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DEAD
Contributed by
Tashy
on
Saturday, 16th August 2008 @ 02:05:54 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
A body numb and helpless
Just lying there as if dead
A poke? A thud? A heart beat?
Can that body feel nothing?
No love, happiness or guilt
Obviously can't be felt.
...
I think i saw the chest move
But the breath did not give life
Life is to actually live
As humans with emotions
Not corpses that try to live
If you must know, it's not dead
The person on the floor lives
Copyright ©
Tashy
... [
2008-08-16 14:05:54]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: DEAD
(User Rating: 1 )
by writer123 on
Saturday, 16th August 2008 @ 03:45:33 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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| It's alright. But I would suggest structuring it differently. In other words, there are too many question marks, and periods. Hope I helped...I never want to sound like I dislike otther's poems so...good job overall. |
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