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Lost at Sea
Contributed by
navydocny
on
Saturday, 30th August 2008 @ 10:54:21 PM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
Guided by the moon, the tide recedes, from whence it came back into the sea What it has left, eroded with force, bones and a soul, seeking the source From where her love came, endearment thats lost, what the tide left, is clearly embossed Gnarled remains with cockles and shells, a beautiful love story the scene laid out tells A man who spent years, lost in a sea, the dutiful wife who was always his dream Piloting others through all that was right, whilst forgetting his love in the darkest of night When once in a storm it became painfully clear, her hand on his shoulder did not appear What was mislaid, their plans hed forlorn, a hole in her heart, hed miserably torn Wreaking her pain was not his intent; her pain became theirs, and then both of them spent Now as he lay as carrion duffer, still enough life left in him to suffer Asking all those or any wholl listen, to not send him back, loves death it will hasten Nothing more stinging than the love thats a loss, especially when it is from your own cause To her hell crawl, lifes humble efface, to be by her side where he hopes he can stay As the coming tide flourish, he skulks away seeking, to regain her love, her heart is still bleeding
Copyright ©
navydocny
... [
2008-08-30 22:54:21] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Lost at Sea
(User Rating: 1 ) by FRANCO on
Saturday, 30th August 2008 @ 11:28:32 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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My friend an emotional poem with great imagination. I enjoyed reading it.
Beautifully penned.
with love and respect,
FRANCO. |
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Re: Lost at Sea
(User Rating: 1 ) by ZiggyB on
Sunday, 31st August 2008 @ 02:48:25 AM AEST (User
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a Message)
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This was beautiful. Excellent content. |
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Re: Lost at Sea
(User Rating: 1 ) by Former_Member on
Monday, 1st September 2008 @ 03:29:19 AM AEST (User
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a Message)
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This is an amazing and powerful write. I am extremely impressed with your descriptions and your choice of wording. The flow is exceptional and the concept is endearing. My only (criticism) if I may be so bold is that I would have split each line in half. I am not big on formatting and I myself do this from time to time. Otherwise this is a great poem and I enjoyed it thoroughly.
BRAVO!
SCM |
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Re: Lost at Sea
(User Rating: 1 ) by ladyfawn on
Tuesday, 9th September 2008 @ 12:31:47 AM AEST (User
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a Message)
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this is beautiful !
hugs n' love nessa |
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