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When One Lover Surrenders...
Contributed by
eeeitak
on
Tuesday, 2nd September 2008 @ 04:16:42 PM in AEST
Topic:
Suicide
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The iced blanket breaks around my skin
As I become one with the blue
As I sink in
I reach the ground
Without a sound
And for the first time I feel at home
And for the first time I don't need you
As I dig my feet in the bottom
For the first time I feel cleansed of all sin
Blue, blue, icy blue
As I am pearly white
My blanket swirls around me
I am pearly blue
Blue, blue, icy blue
I start to fly without command
I fight and flail to return
And then I search with foot and hand
I find a heavy weight
Anchor down, it's not too late
And I know I will stay here forevermore
And I know I will laugh as my lungs burn
For the last time I bid my world goodbye
And I know I will prefer this home in the sand
Blue, blue, icy blue
As I am ghostly white
My blanket settles upon me
I am ghostly blue
Blue, blue, icy blue
I am blue, blue
Icy blue
And you are pearly white
Copyright ©
eeeitak
... [
2008-09-02 16:16:42]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: When One Lover Surrenders...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 2nd September 2008 @ 10:09:16 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Wow Katie, this is really interesting. This was
done tactfully and metaphorically, something
I've not seen in most poetry listed
under "suicide." I love the tone to it and the
feeling of peacefulness throughout it. Great
job girl.
~Jesse |
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Re: When One Lover Surrenders...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 3rd September 2008 @ 12:18:53 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Wow, it is a rare occasion...honestly, maybe only once before, that I read poetry under the suicide category but wow. This poem is incredible with the imagery. I can actually clearly see every line you wrote here. And talk about flow....just too cool. Awesome write. When I read the line I fight and flail to return my chest started to get tight. Then when I got to And I know I will laugh as my lungs burn , I could feel that. Maybe it's because I almost drowned once. But ya know, I wasn't even thinking of that until I started writing this comment. Powerful stuff there, Katie.
Thanks,
Tim
:-)
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Re: When One Lover Surrenders...
(User Rating: 1 )
by navydocny on
Wednesday, 3rd September 2008 @ 01:48:22 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Very pretty and yet very scary...
Great job! |
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Re: When One Lover Surrenders...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 3rd September 2008 @ 06:25:01 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
| You make the act sound almost romantic....very scary indeed!! But well written! |
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Re: When One Lover Surrenders...
(User Rating: 1 )
by wizard on
Wednesday, 3rd September 2008 @ 11:39:02 AM AEST
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a Message)
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nicely done katie, as always...
wiz |
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Re: When One Lover Surrenders...
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Wednesday, 3rd September 2008 @ 12:01:56 PM AEST
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a Message)
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beautifully hauntingly real...
hugs n' love nessa
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Re: When One Lover Surrenders...
(User Rating: 1 )
by amt on
Thursday, 4th September 2008 @ 04:25:04 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| killer stuff!!! a little scary.... but dude you are indeed a professional poet..... |
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Re: When One Lover Surrenders...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 4th September 2008 @ 11:38:37 AM AEST
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" And for the first time I feel at home
And for the first time I don't need you "
a very moving piece of reality
disguised as illusion, quite
candid and yet retains such
innocence, i love the line up
above, what a spledid writter
you are, a poet deserving of
the very tittle itself . . .
Ben . . .
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Re: When One Lover Surrenders...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Hakiokusaken on
Wednesday, 17th September 2008 @ 06:47:54 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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wow, your poem was written beautifully.... your poetic skills really show.... keep up the nice work....
Manny |
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Re: When One Lover Surrenders...
(User Rating: 1 )
by unknown_utopia on
Sunday, 9th November 2008 @ 02:28:29 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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Wow,I love this.
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