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Rewind
Contributed by
HaleysHeresat
on
Thursday, 30th October 2008 @ 09:50:46 PM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
Rewind.
Take a few steps back
Remember the way you used to think
When life was innocent,
And love was only a dream?
Back when your sickness was merely a spark;
When the meaning of heartbreak
Literally meant a crack in the heart.
Look hard into the past;
I want you to see the light in your eyes.
It has been a little over two years now;
But time has passed slowly
So you could catch a glimpse
Of what you were becoming.
In childhood, you were pure;
Or at least on the surface
And now, somehow, youve crossed into
An adult world in which you find purposelessness.
You sit and observe
The children that laugh and live without a care,
The boy who skins his knee but acts tough
And you wonder if they will turn out bad, like you
When those good little children grow up.
Copyright ©
HaleysHeresat
... [
2008-10-30 21:50:46]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Rewind
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Friday, 31st October 2008 @ 01:48:47 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Welcome to our global family here at ypdc.
This write is really creative thinking.
Awesome work.
huggs, blessings,
emy |
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Re: Rewind
(User Rating: 1 )
by high_on_duct_tape on
Friday, 31st October 2008 @ 02:32:47 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Very impressive. Your imagery is very potent and well used (I love the "boy who skins his knee but acts tough"). I would suggest playing it up even more--using images instead of annotations to tell the story, and commentary more to put it in place.
On a separate note, spacing it out more might make it easier to read. The way you use punctuation is very effective, though.
I assume this is not actually the first poem you've written. Still, congradulations on finding a place to share your work.
Write on,
Solomon |
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Re: Rewind
(User Rating: 1 )
by SilverRain on
Saturday, 8th November 2008 @ 02:18:53 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Hi
Impressive visual piece. I like the way this grows from a small memory into a heartfelt life lesson.
Nicely done. |
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