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Desolate Longing
Contributed by
beautiful_letdowns
on
Wednesday, 19th November 2008 @ 11:24:25 AM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
Desolate longing fills me up
As loneliness tears me apart
Is this the end or where I begin
A broken or mending small heart
I stand where all I once knew was
As regret soaks me to the core
Is this worth all the struggle
Are you really worth fighting for?
I've never even been the kind
To sacrifice for someone other than me
Maybe it's true that people do change
It's time to see how strong love can be.
Copyright ©
beautiful_letdowns
... [
2008-11-19 11:24:25]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Desolate Longing
(User Rating: 1 )
by gmcse8 on
Wednesday, 19th November 2008 @ 01:05:49 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| your poem defines a lonely place we all have had to visit. I don't normally comment on the emotion of a poem, but this time it was so universal to everyone I did. What I usually do instead is offer what I think of the construction or wording of the poem. I am a horrible poet myself, I have only written six, but I have been reading them for 60+ years. So I will get to the poem. I had trouble with a couple of the lines. The first line of the 2nd stanza, I kept wanting to stop after the word "knew", but that "was" on the end kept causing me to stumble. I had the same problem with the first line of the third stanza. I kept stumbling as I read on the word "even". I kept wondering why it was there. I really liked some of your phrasing. You had several lines that I liked. the third and fourth lines of the second and third stanzas I like a lot, they said something. The best lines in the poem I think, are the last lines in the last two stanzas. Keep at it, you have a nice way of stringing words together. |
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Re: Desolate Longing
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 19th November 2008 @ 02:30:44 PM AEST
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A great opening, followed by a poetic expression which seeds off of it. This was a splendid read and the emotions are well spent in these lines. The ending stanza is most powerful and well received by this reader.
BRAVO!
SCM |
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