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I Want to Exist- Mary's Story
Contributed by
lnnie
on
Monday, 24th November 2008 @ 09:35:26 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
Answer me this; riddle me that enigma surrounded I retreat,
to the isolated and the cruel snide for solace
against you and others who think this is a debate, or argument, when for me it is about whether I exist.
No, gentlemen ladies we engage here not in idle gossip wars for me this is more serious and masks despite my telling my self it is less than that in fact for me mental survival is at stake here.
So, all the more so when I see it is not that way for thee; it makes me feel smaller still that you can play with life indeed, even in this conversation; as if for you nothing is a stake oblivious to that for me all is at risk; the half-healed wound stabbed again.
There is no quarter here asked for or given you must die metaphorically for me to have just one moment to exist; as I resist illogically to save myself.
All this I know sounds crazy; through all this I am aware that none of it makes sense;
But if I had control I would resist. But the point is I don't and I can't and I must save not only myself but all the others too to avoid the mental obituary that life seeks to write for me and them every day, each day, in every situation.
They are playing for the joy of the game; I am playing for the right to exist.
Crazy? I know. I don't know what is wrong with them. Why can they see what they are doing to me?
Why are they so out of touch with reality?
Tell me who is the crazy one? Why is my reality the crazy one? This rule makes no sense. It is well crazy to deny me what I need to exist- which is after all the need to maintain my dignity in the face of the brutal facts of my life; I really don't matter; , no special talents one among a mass average- when everything says I should be special in some way but in fact I know I am not- I am average, barely having a rationale to exist.
There it is.
So does this all mean I have no value? No, I exist.
Copyright ©
lnnie
... [
2008-11-24 21:35:26] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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