|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
If the heats broken anyways, why bother staying inside?
Contributed by
aloneinthememory
on
Saturday, 13th December 2008 @ 09:05:04 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
Winter arrives in a quick wind of snow and ice.
Through the open windows comes the ice cold breeze of December.
A thin sheet of snow covers the lawn, freezing the grass and trees
leaving nothing uncovered.
If the heats broken anyways, why bother staying inside?
Walking down the deserted streets of town I see people inside
people in love, high off the holiday spirit
Eating pies, exchanging gifts, dancing to music, kissing under misletoe.
New Years is coming soon, for me it'll be spent alone.
If my hearts broken anyways, why bother trying to find someone to share it with?
The snow starts to fall as I round the corner onto Mainstreet
The park extrance is blocked by snow, pond frozen solid
The tall black iron fence is covered with icicles
It's a little colder than usual outside, tonight.
If a star is falling, why not make a wish on it anyways?
"You'll freeze out here you know" I hear someone say
turning around, I already know it's you.
I smile, you followed my footprints in the snow to find me
Wishes do come true, even in the dead of winter.
If you've already started falling, why bother stopping?
Copyright ©
aloneinthememory
... [
2008-12-13 21:05:04]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: If the heats broken anyways, why bother staying inside?
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Saturday, 13th December 2008 @ 09:47:08 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
You brought the feeling and beautiful images right into the room with me. It took me on an emotional ride then the end so perfect. I would say BRAVO, five stars and awesome writing. Vivid details and images. Feeling! That is what it is about.
Hugs
Michelle |
|
|
Re: If the heats broken anyways, why bother staying inside?
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Saturday, 13th December 2008 @ 11:54:22 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| i like your use of rhetorical questions in this, adds some nice structure and provocativeness to your post. i think in a few places you can add punctuation spice to your writing by using hyphens and ellipses (...). such things add more flaire than just using the comma. i think you do well with imagery and emotional twists by having the scene set to be pretty bleak and lonely and then it ends up being pretty happy in the end. its pretty rare to find someone that can do such a task in a poem. great job. |
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Site Help
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
