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Beauty
Contributed by
lnnie
on
Friday, 19th December 2008 @ 12:50:01 AM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
To be in the face of Beauty-
and she was Beauty-
is intimidating;
there is the desire to
not be close
for being close intensifies the
sense of inadequacy.
It is a shock to be in the face of beauty
and there arises
at least for me
the desire to find just one flaw
to cling to.
I re-run that fleeting gaze
back through my mind
to find the way to sanity.
I don't have this view about Nature's beauty
which evidently I tolerate more;
but personal beauty
is alive
just inches from me
which I had faced
at the elevator door,
which opens like
the doors of heaven
and there she is again;
she and I
eye level to eye level
alone.
The awkward turn
to face the front;
arm-wrestling with the desire
to turn around to have another look;
the eyes themselves still resonate
with the image set
deep in the retina.
I can hear her breathe;
we two alone;
the elevator rising
I feel her there
at one point holding her breath
matching my withholding too.
Finally my floor
relieved
I flee
confused
again by too much Beauty.
And she
I am sure
faired no better
the tension was electric.
I sure she felt
I did not like her
nary ever a smile for her
jstony silence
emanating from the back
of my neck.
I see her everyday
and nothing changes.
No matter how much
I steel
my self
she to me
overwhelms.
I can never be close.
or even friends.
Copyright ©
lnnie
... [
2008-12-19 00:50:01]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Beauty
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Friday, 19th December 2008 @ 02:49:53 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| i really liked the stanzas 2-5. the next to last stanza seemed too awkwardly phrased to be effective, and it is so different than your other stanzas that it doesnt work out for this piece. your conclusion is a bit interesting too. some would argue that friendship is a close relationship, but you seem to downplay friendship as just people who talk to each other in a sense. in the beginning i got a sense of alice in wonderland where alice is searching for the elusive, sanity, and for things to make sense...and things just keep going wrong. i overall really liked this piece. i typically get bored during a longer write, but this one kept me entertained. keep up the great work. |
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Re: Beauty
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 19th December 2008 @ 01:20:44 PM AEST
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well when i read 'the making it up', i got all hot under the collar. reading this was an altogether different sensation, sadness, i think. sadness that you could feel inferior to someone else because they are percieved to be more beautiful than you. i can appreciate beauty, i've written about it often enough, but that's all i do, appreciate it. you cannot love beauty alone, lust is the love for beauty alone. you need more than that. am i going too deep into this? anyways great write.
-phil |
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Re: Beauty
(User Rating: 1 )
by Spike on
Friday, 19th December 2008 @ 05:14:27 PM AEST
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Yes, a moment so many of us have shared - I totally related to the frozen tension, the inadequacy that grows with proximity, the search for flaws-any imperfection-to rebalance the sense of humanity in the beauty.
the account was spot on in the description of behaviour, tension and dilemma. Well done!
Spike |
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Re: Beauty
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Tuesday, 30th December 2008 @ 03:21:36 PM AEST
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a Message)
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You are a very creative writer.
good work.
huggs, smiles, blessings,
emy |
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