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Confused
Contributed by
Tiffyo4
on
Monday, 29th December 2008 @ 12:29:27 AM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
My knee's start to shake
when your in sight
My mind filled with wonder
heart filled with fright
when will these feeling stop
when did they start
how can i listen to my mind
without breaking my heart.
Im so CONFUSED what should i do
i can't think of anything except you
should i ingnore you and just give it time
i cant think stright
when my heart control's my mind
Copyright ©
Tiffyo4
... [
2008-12-29 00:29:27]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Confused
(User Rating: 1 )
by Balmain_Tiger on
Monday, 29th December 2008 @ 06:33:54 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Nice expression of feelings just loses it a wee bit on the last two lines
I think the word control's just doesn't work, it seems to just break the rhythm of an otherwise great write.
Perhaps "has" or "rules" my mind may work better
Certainly inspires me though
Peter |
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Re: Confused
(User Rating: 1 )
by funmi on
Monday, 29th December 2008 @ 09:41:39 AM AEST
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wow that is really good...but am kinda agree...the confused kinda shakes therhyme
but it certaninly inspired me |
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Re: Confused
(User Rating: 1 )
by Butterflyperfect on
Monday, 29th December 2008 @ 02:36:52 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I have felt the same thing and asked the same question, if you ever get the anwer please tell me, I'm still trying to figure it out.
Very Nice poem though and I think you expressed so much emotion with such a small piece and that is great. Keep it up.
Take Care,
-Butterfly |
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