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Crying sky
Contributed by
DjFreshmatic
on
Tuesday, 13th January 2009 @ 05:00:06 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
I stare at the sky and I wonder why
gravity doesn't pull it down so I can see the clouds cry?
every time it starts to rain I wonder
why, are the clouds in pain?
then I turn on the TV and see our world
that is insane.
All I see is wars, death and misery
no happiness comes to me
so I stop to wonder why the sky cries
and stare at the screen and see how the warplane flies.
Then I start to wonder why do we humans kill our own kind
why don't we settle wars with our minds
why is it that black kills white
white kills black
muslim kills jew
jew kills muslim
human kills human
we are not animals anymore
no
we passed that stage millions of years ago
now man is called beast
cause everything it sees it kills and feasts
now even I start to cry
I look up open my arm
and try to hung the sky
cause the sky needs comfort and so do I
my little brother asks me why is that lady crying?
to him I have to lie, I say that it's fake it's just a movie
but you can see the pain in her eyes
as she holds her son in her arms screaming his name as she cries
her son doesn't move he just stares at the skies
until the poor lady closes his eyes.
Copyright ©
DjFreshmatic
... [
2009-01-13 17:00:06]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Crying sky
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 13th January 2009 @ 05:06:15 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| This is a REALLY GOOD poem! I have to wonder all these things myself and its these things that made me lose faith in mankind altogether. Excellent write! |
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Re: Crying sky
(User Rating: 1 )
by Incognito_Bombastus on
Tuesday, 13th January 2009 @ 08:42:12 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I agree with the previous comments about the nature of the poem its allegorical theme works and its rhyme scheme is just right for the subject matter. If you want advice I'll give some to take or leave as you see fit. punctuate, it will give pause and emphasis to parts of your work that you may want to emphasise ( I've always found correcting my poetys punctuation a difficult task/practice). Second, its a little loose it can be tightened and given a stronger impact with harsh editing. Watch your tenses & maintain focus on your prime motivation. I think its a wonderful poem with wonderful instincts.
Thank you I.B. |
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Re: Crying sky
(User Rating: 1 )
by elle on
Tuesday, 13th January 2009 @ 08:48:45 PM AEST
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very powerful, wonderful poetry. you pose an extremely impressive question here. . .
"why don't we settle wars with our minds?" possibly my favorite part. I love the questions,
especially the difficult ones. power to the answers, X2 & I love your poem. peace. elle |
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Re: Crying sky
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 13th January 2009 @ 10:47:14 PM AEST
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| I just want to say that i am also beginner and can't comment on this poem..... but like it very much, very impressive..... keep it... |
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Re: Crying sky
(User Rating: 1 )
by apollo on
Tuesday, 13th January 2009 @ 11:21:33 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| this is amazing. especially since you claim to be a beginning writer. keep on writing because you definitely have a talent. this was very very good and had a sad twist in the end. |
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