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mirror on the wall
Contributed by
funmi
on
Tuesday, 27th January 2009 @ 06:40:27 AM in AEST
Topic:
PoemsonBeauty
|
Mirror, mirror on the wall
Who is the skinniest of them all
The atmosphere frowned
As she awaited an answer
Her bones creaked as she adjusted herself
She saw herself burn in desire of the flesh
As her opposite image appeared
On the mirror like a mesh
Mirror, mirror on the wall
Who is the prettiest of them all
As the ugly image stared her
The make-up got heavier
And her confidence got lighter
Satisfaction was truly a gift
But she didnt have enough
According to her thoughts
Now she needed a perfection lift
Not one, but lots
Copyright ©
funmi
... [
2009-01-27 06:40:27]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: mirror on the wall
(User Rating: 1 )
by ek_da_poet on
Wednesday, 28th January 2009 @ 12:52:30 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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thats a cliche(mirror mirror on the wall) though it was a nice write stay away from cliche's they are overused.
also for this line "as the ugly image started her" i think you meant startled and not started.
the ending of it seemed blank like there was no catch to it
but overall i enjoyed it it was sweet write on most part. |
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