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if only words could mend
Contributed by
elle
on
Monday, 16th March 2009 @ 09:10:15 PM in AEST
Topic:
dedicatedpoems
|
to know is but the seed.
to understand, the forest, green. . .
watch as watch, you may.
see & sight, dismay.
call it what you will. . .
we are all searching, still.
the rightful & the wrong
a solitary throng.
if only words could mend
before the fractured end.
if only we could see
the forest, past the tree.
Copyright ©
elle
... [
2009-03-16 21:10:15]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: if only words could mend
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_K on
Tuesday, 17th March 2009 @ 06:42:17 AM AEST
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Beautiful words, elle.....
"if only we could see
the forest, past the tree."
Jenni
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Re: if only words could mend
(User Rating: 1 )
by Spike on
Tuesday, 17th March 2009 @ 07:02:12 AM AEST
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hello elle,
interesting staccato rhythm (feels a lots like Frost - Nothing gold can stay), and the poignancy of the subject burrowed deep. Such a big hurdle, that 'if'. As a frequent user of end rhymes, I have to say in this post that perfect rhyming looks and sounds good, but I would have gone for a looser pairing: trees for see, may/dismayed, maybe, to break the conscious focus on the rhyme scheme. Just some comments, loved the poem.
Spike
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Re: if only words could mend
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 17th March 2009 @ 01:04:11 PM AEST
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beautiful writing, good work.
-phil |
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