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I do
Contributed by
crmnlilbruno
on
Tuesday, 31st March 2009 @ 12:25:29 AM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
Entangled within the grasp of your smile
Makes my heart skip beats for a while
Standing within the gaze of your eyes
Gives my stomach little butterflies
Watching you move down the path to me
I begin to feel a little dizzy
Touching your hand set to touch mine
Mixed emotions entangle and Intertwine
The sounds of the heavens come in your voice
My body without sound shows much rejoice
The marvels and wonders of you choosing me
In my eyes and mind it couldn't possibly be
I have always heard that love was blind
But this isn't what I had in mind
You are an angle in every way
But you choose to be with me on this very day
What in this life did I do so grand
For me to have you standing hand in hand
What ever it was it had to been great
For me to find my only sole mate
So up here I stand in front of the world
And let all my past be unfurled
I give you my life and all that is there
To be by your side forever I swear
To love you and hold you till the end of time
To do anything else would be a crime
Everything I tell you I promise is true
And as my turn comes I will say I do..
Aaron D. Carman
Copyright ©
crmnlilbruno
... [
2009-03-31 00:25:29]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: I do
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 31st March 2009 @ 07:31:57 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Needs proofreading. "and Intertwine", "an angle in every way" etc. Some of the rhymes sound forced (particularly "unfurled"). Most of it is fine, and with a bit more work so it flows better would convey the emotions very well. |
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Re: I do
(User Rating: 1 )
by elle on
Tuesday, 31st March 2009 @ 07:42:28 AM AEST
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| & what a sweet & gracious emotion it is. . . peace. elle |
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Re: I do
(User Rating: 1 )
by Mars on
Tuesday, 31st March 2009 @ 03:00:08 PM AEST
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| I think it's a very fine expression of desire =). I know... the absolute joy of being loved in such a way; but I too know the pain of having it taken back again. Good job, but really, check your poem before submitting just to be safe =P. I have no idea what "You are an angle in every way" is supposed to mean... |
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Re: I do
(User Rating: 1 )
by althea_kendry on
Tuesday, 31st March 2009 @ 03:08:05 PM AEST
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i like it some of it i didn't really understand probably because you most likely made a typing error i think i figured most of it out after reading it a few times but still ....
i like it though good job at describing that moment of absolute love :) keep writing |
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