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My life
Contributed by
crmnlilbruno
on
Monday, 13th April 2009 @ 02:24:44 PM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
My life is different then some of the rest
It may seem good but its not the best
Working all day to pay the bills
At night to ease the pain I take some pills
Struggling to make it day by day
To allow my children the time to play
Trying to take care of three little ones
One little girl and two little sons
All alone with just us four
Money is an issue always needing more
Cooking and cleaning every day
Trying to make the best in every way
Im just a single father doing what I can
After all Im just one man
Though I love my children without no ends
These three little ones are my best friends
Aaron D. Carman
Copyright ©
crmnlilbruno
... [
2009-04-13 14:24:44]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: My life
(User Rating: 1 )
by 3660Days on
Monday, 13th April 2009 @ 02:37:52 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| The rhymes feel forced. I am wondering if they are more of a hinderance than a help here. Too "sing-songy", like a nursery rhyme. In my opinion, rhyming only works well if it's coupled with a good sense of meter, otherwise it just doesn't seem to "sound right". Great theme anyhow. |
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