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Untill all the Stars Go Out
Contributed by
windowguy
on
Tuesday, 21st April 2009 @ 10:35:12 AM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
I will love you
As long as my lungs fill with air
To motivate my beating heart
To stir lifeblood through each part
Pulsating, animating there.
I will love you
As long as each new idea
Connects thought to tongue
Connects my mind along
Reasons for drawing you near.
I will love you
As long as the Earth will turn
Always to gently spin
Always a Day to begin
With you, for your love I yearn.
I will love you
Until Clouds are no more
Or Oceans evaporate,
Or Mountains disintegrate
Into pebbles on the seashore.
I will love you
Until the constant Moon
Makes no Oceans ebb and flow
Makes no Continents shrink or grow,
That day will be too soon.
I will love you
Until all the Stars go out
Never to give forth their light
Never to enhance the night
But blot our Eternity out
Copyright ©
windowguy
... [
2009-04-21 10:35:12]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Untill all the Stars Go Out
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on
Tuesday, 21st April 2009 @ 02:01:44 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I like this. Usually the repetition would annoy me, but it didn't.
I like stanza four, because it really gives the impression of forever. The comparison to the mountains works really well, I cannot think of anything as ageless.
The last end is a pretty good conclusion to the poem, too.
There are a couple of things you could improve on. You have a lot of random capital letters in the middle of your stanzas, and you need to try and focus on not forcing rhymes. Also, check your spellings.
All in all, a good attempt.
Phil xxx |
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Re: Untill all the Stars Go Out
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Tuesday, 21st April 2009 @ 07:23:55 PM AEST
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You captured a well written and beautiful write here.
Welcome to YPDC
Michelle |
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Re: Untill all the Stars Go Out
(User Rating: 1 )
by Lilymaemax on
Sunday, 3rd May 2009 @ 11:50:44 AM AEST
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| This is beautiful captures eternal love and hope.Well put love the idea in first verse of love motivating your heart to beat .Very powerful.Lilymae |
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