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THE OCEANIC SEPULCHRE
Contributed by
matariel
on
Friday, 24th April 2009 @ 10:58:46 AM in AEST
Topic:
AmericanTragedy
|
I'm sorry you passed away
I remind myself of you by looking at your image
On a boat, sitting wisely
Looking off into the veridian waves
I hate what I've done to you
You were so young; a helpless plea
Came from your mouth as you fell in
At only ten you gave into me
Innocent child that you were
I hope and pray that you do not forgive
I'm to blame, yet you had already sunk
Leaving the vessel in which I live
I lost you to those emerald waves
Which you tried to contemplate and understand
A surging tide, sinking to the bathosphere of what life is like
For that kind of man
I'm sorry I came about
Your vulnerable, soft conscience dissolved away
And I took your place, living in the same vessel
Day after day after day
While you were here
Mother begged you not to get close to the edge
But the waves' cruel crashing drowned her out
And you'd already fallen over the ledge
I'm in this vessel
But they do not know; though you lost your defences;
Mother was not able to see I took your place in here
She only senses
I wished you stayed afloat
You couldn't even swim; the cruel waters enveloped your face
Just as the look of terror did, only this time I let you sink under
Yet protected from disgrace
I've come to know you
I know I couldn't and shouldn't, but I still would not let you be
Mother's not doing well; she suspects my lusting did that to you
Submerging you in the sea
I'm sorry, I let you drown
I play the victim of concupiscent men; I should've let me be
And I let them take me apart, sinking myself, and let them
Submerge me in the sea
Copyright ©
matariel
... [
2009-04-24 10:58:46]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: THE OCEANIC SEPULCHRE
(User Rating: 1 )
by RyhmeNotReason on
Friday, 24th April 2009 @ 07:15:36 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
a great read.. I really enjoyed it.
"You couldn't even swim; the cruel waters enveloped your face" - vivid imagery.
My only suggestion would be to shorten the introduction to it, I think it is better to leave a little mystery and let the reader figure out that the child is his/her innocence. That way way they read it and say " oh wow.. the child IS innocence... well done". Just an idea.. great poem though, keep em coming |
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Re: THE OCEANIC SEPULCHRE
(User Rating: 1 )
by mutantfish on
Saturday, 25th April 2009 @ 09:07:58 AM AEST
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a Message)
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great poem, very good imagery
keep up all the good work |
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