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Don't tell mother...
Contributed by
foxwithwings13
on
Saturday, 27th June 2009 @ 01:51:12 PM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
Don't tell mother
That her daughters heart belongs to the one
with makeup and ribbons in her hair
As fingers are laced together between them
And a bittersweet melody is played
With love and rejection
But mother could not hide her little girl
From the unforgivable sin
And she was destined to fall for the girl
Behind warm brown eyes
With makeup and ribbons in her hair
Copyright ©
foxwithwings13
... [
2009-06-27 13:51:12]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Don't tell mother...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 27th June 2009 @ 04:52:13 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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an excellent first piece with great use of enjambment. keep writing, you've got potential.
-Phil |
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Re: Don't tell mother...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kay-Kay on
Saturday, 27th June 2009 @ 08:50:17 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| great write! good topic different from alotta other ppl which i like lol look forward to reading more |
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Re: Don't tell mother...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Mars on
Sunday, 28th June 2009 @ 05:59:20 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Not bad, I think you'll make a fine poet. |
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