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CHEAP SLEEK LINES
Contributed by
OratileMochoba
on
Monday, 10th August 2009 @ 10:22:11 AM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
Wishing Against Wish No True, a 2 it would have been Lord of Word Through this Window I stand a Widow of My own Word Busy Bones shivering in cold Love it is COLD unconfortableness Pinacle of feeling Anckle of Love Sojourned by our Undying affection
HuH!,I never told my Uncle this...
Sprawling and crawling across the passage of thought Questioning the musturbated and most debated Birth of my Breathe in the Death of Love..
Copyright ©
OratileMochoba
... [
2009-08-10 10:22:11] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: CHEAP SLEEK LINES
(User Rating: 1 ) by lesoleilnoire on
Monday, 10th August 2009 @ 11:13:23 AM AEST (User
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a Message)
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Nicely written. You convey the death of love exquisitely with incredible accuracy.
--Heidi |
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Re: CHEAP SLEEK LINES
(User Rating: 1 ) by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 11th August 2009 @ 06:32:06 AM AEST (User
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a Message)
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To be honest, this poem is good. Not great, but good. HOWEVER (before you become crushed by my tiny iota of criticism) you have obviously got potential. This poem was a little wild; words strewn about everywhere like knocked-over baked-bean tins in a supermarket. But if you can get some semblance of control and structure to your writing, you can be brilliant. Don't strangle it, just let your writing flow and tell the story.
-Phil |
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