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brother
Contributed by
rossdean
on
Thursday, 20th August 2009 @ 10:05:09 AM in AEST
Topic:
drugabuse
|
my brother glenn you were not just my friend. a small boy , toys, and joys. my brother glenn, now a man doing all you can. my brother glenn, now a dad, not just a fad. but always a lad. what went mad. a man so gentle and parental, you did not tell. it was all hell. earth wind and fire, but you're so much higher. no more dire.
Copyright ©
rossdean
... [
2009-08-20 10:05:09]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: brother
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 22nd August 2009 @ 07:01:40 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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This is sad and you express your feelings beautifully!
A tip though is to make each line shorter.
This will make it easier for the reader and the poem will seem to flow better even if it is the same words in a different structure.
This is not negative critique cause I really liked the poem! |
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