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sprig of silver birch
Contributed by
ming
on
Friday, 4th September 2009 @ 11:20:21 AM in AEST
Topic:
abstract
|
a little ragged
starting
to unravel
the score
after
the whistle blows
blow me away
whistle a tune
and
blow me out
like a candle
drifting
away
on the midnight
black flow
eyes wide
wild animal
peering out
from
behind the thickets
of my own face
fracture and fall
apart with a shiver
deja vu
because fate
makes our friends
sequence
candence
rhytm
nailed
with a flowering
branch
a broad slash
night black
nothingness
crumpling
inward
like a flower
closing
for the night
body melting
rendered like tallow
broken hearts
lay around
me like
fallen leaves
like confetti
at a wedding.
Copyright ©
ming
... [
2009-09-04 11:20:21]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: sprig of silver birch
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 4th September 2009 @ 01:07:27 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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Superb! Really easy and enjoyable to read!
-Phil |
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Re: sprig of silver birch
(User Rating: 1 )
by iodinelove on
Friday, 4th September 2009 @ 04:46:04 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I only see one problem, and that's that rhythm is lacking the second h. I wouldn't usually pick at something like this, but it mars the excellent work you have produced.
Good Job.
Always, abraham |
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