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Gallipoli?
Contributed by
robbieXXIII
on
Wednesday, 16th September 2009 @ 05:38:16 PM in AEST
Topic:
war
|
We stand aligned across the sand
Our postures at rest, but our hearts in our hands,
My brother left, my brother right
About to start this bloody fight
Our friends and families left at home,
Leaving us to sleep alone
The air around is pierced with a sound,
As bodies fall and lie on the ground
Why do we play this pointless game?
And leave our Island home to be slain..
Copyright ©
robbieXXIII
... [
2009-09-16 17:38:16]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Gallipoli?
(User Rating: 1 )
by TsunamiWaverider on
Wednesday, 16th September 2009 @ 08:08:46 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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Being an Aussie myself, i know exactly what you are trying to say....and very well said it was also. If i can suggest a couple of subtle changes that may help to make it flow just that little more smoothly:
We stand aligned across the sands
Our postures at rest....our hearts in our hands,
My brother left, my brother right
About to start this bloody fight
Our friends and families left at home,
Leaving us to sleep alone
The air around is pierced with the sound,
Of bodies who fall and die on the ground
Why do we play this pointless game
And leave our homeland to be slain….?
Cheers! |
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