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I Feel You
Contributed by
MoonlightKiss
on
Monday, 21st September 2009 @ 03:10:14 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
I feel your venom ... invading my soul
Stealing my life ... burning a hole
You don't mean it, but you do
You're hurting yourself, and me too
I feel your poison ... within my heart
Making me tremble ... falling apart
I don't mean to, but I still do
I'm losing myself, and you too
I feel your lips ... On my skin
Taking my innocence ... creating a sin
They don't know; they never will
And that knowledge gives you a thrill
I feel my heart break deep inside
Counting every single tear I've cried
You don't realize, but yes, I see
You'll never be satisfied with just me
I feel your knife ... stabbing my soul
Bleeding profusely ... I feel this hole
You do mean it; I see your smile
But my dear...
I've been dead for awhile.
Copyright ©
MoonlightKiss
... [
2009-09-21 15:10:14]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: I Feel You
(User Rating: 1 )
by Loende on
Monday, 21st September 2009 @ 03:32:55 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
Such a heartbreaking piece...
First off, I feel your pain. Love is a lethal
blade that some wield without mercy.
Secondly, I believe that the structure you chose
to use for this added depth and emotion that really
allows the reader to
go on the journey with you, painful though
it may be.
I especially liked the first and third stanzas.
And just a note, that you do have a couple of minor
spelling errors, but it didn't detract from
the work for me.
Fantastic job, and I hope that your heart heals.
Be well,
~Loende |
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Re: I Feel You
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 21st September 2009 @ 04:08:12 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Indeed, heartbreaking. This really got through to me, and not many writes do that.
-Phil |
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Re: I Feel You
(User Rating: 1 )
by TsunamiWaverider on
Monday, 21st September 2009 @ 04:47:21 PM AEST
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a Message)
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LOVE IT, LOVE IT, LOVE IT. What more can i say except.....i LOVE IT!
Bravo.
P.S. "Then" don't know, they never will. |
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