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Standby

Contributed by satanssecret1369 on Thursday, 7th January 2010 @ 08:48:30 PM in AEST
Topic: oops

I am not broken.
Just on standby,
Waiting for a reason--
Proof that there will be something
More than this constant nothing.

I am not angry.
Merely confused,
As my mind festers with
These doubts and insecurities
That transpose
Into inadequacy.

Left to hurt in silence,
You need to walk away.

I am not mean.
Driven only by a will
That wills me to see this through,
My frustrations overflow
Until they fall on you.
My attempt's in vain,
As you glare me down,
Smile and laugh,
Then turn away.

I am not crazy.
Only looking for an answer--
Reasons why I should stop this.
Desperately searching
For a resolution
And the truth
As to why this failed.

Time and time you'd plead with me,
But you could never seem to take the lead,
Leaving me with nothing more
Than less than what I had before.

I am not weak.
To live alone as I have
Is an assignment to bear
With strength.
You have not been there.
You have not helped.
Only thrown out more 'trash'
That I would have liked to keep,
But for you,
I cleared these shelves
To set up your shrine.

Now you cry and say that I'm to blame.
You know nothing of my will.

I am not arrogant.
I know only that I am not pleased
With the unfolding of this trial.
You are no prosecutor,
And I should not have to defend
What you so eagerly resurrected.

I am not selfish.
Simply finding nothing
To keep me bound to this ride,
Where high speeds and slopes
Have made my stomach drop.
The vomit on your shirt
Should never
Have been mine to bear.

I am not happy.
Despaired,
For your desires
Leave me
Alone,
With nothing.
Every sacrifice overlooked;
Every cry--yet unheard--
Is left to echo,
Until it fades to silence,
Where you have left me waiting.

There was never any reason
For you to persist to tell this lie,
Insisting that I tell the truth
When the deception wasn't mine.

And no--I am not broken.
Just burning out on standby.

Copyright © satanssecret1369 ... [ 2010-01-07 20:48:30]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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