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Behind the waterfall
Contributed by
funmi
on
Wednesday, 20th January 2010 @ 10:05:43 AM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
Standing behind the waterfall
I could feel the air around me
breezing through my flesh
almost tearing me apart
The weather was too cold
to wait for love, or friends or hapiness
Searching or a blanket, or a coat,
my heart is almost getting cold
The water falls on me till i am soaking wet,
i change my clothes but i still get wet
Filled with insecurities, i search for an umbrella
but someday lightning will destroy it
You can still find mebehind the water fall
You can hide behind a waterfall but
you cant hid behind a fallin water
funmi, PLEASE: To help keep this site INTERACTIVE, please read and comment on at least 3 poems for each one you submit.
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Copyright ©
funmi
... [
2010-01-20 10:05:43]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Behind the waterfall
(User Rating: 1 )
by Prism on
Wednesday, 20th January 2010 @ 10:22:09 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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Kind of inconsistant with the imagery. Line 3
is about a breeze but in line 4 its tearing you
apart? Since when are breezes that
strong? Why are you looking for a blanket
behind a water fall? Happiness is
misspelled too. Theres little to no
puncuation either, poem or not you still need
to follow grammar rules. |
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