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What's Written On My Forehead?
Contributed by
lesoleilnoire
on
Saturday, 30th January 2010 @ 08:14:11 PM in AEST
Topic:
Haiku
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Tainted by spray paint,
vandalized persecution,
scarred with grafitti
Copyright ©
lesoleilnoire
... [
2010-01-30 20:14:11]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: What's Written On My Forehead?
(User Rating: 1 )
by Prism on
Sunday, 31st January 2010 @ 01:25:41 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Haiku's should real well like a sentence, this isnt a sentence. The center line reads like persecution that has been vandalized, I'm sure that's not your intent. What has been tainted by this paint? Your ego? Reputation? Pride? I do like the last line, their actions mar you in a way that others can read easily, it's displayed in your body language, its a part of you. I like that. The first 2 lines need to be rewritten, there's no subject in them. Nice subject matter. |
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Re: What's Written On My Forehead?
(User Rating: 1 )
by spud on
Sunday, 31st January 2010 @ 03:12:22 AM AEST
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Hi,
Well I like it.
Your haiku as usual speaks volumes.
Keep writing - that's your strength against those
who would undervalue.
Tommy
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Re: What's Written On My Forehead?
(User Rating: 1 )
by laststarontheleft on
Monday, 1st February 2010 @ 08:41:30 AM AEST
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Oh Heidi,
I'm sorry you have been feeling this way x
You hold so much love and life for others, & give it freely with pleasure....
Your Haiku is as always, beautifully written, whatever the subject....
Keep your chin up hun, I'm thinking of you x
Lisa x x x
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Re: What's Written On My Forehead?
(User Rating: 1 )
by Ambivalence on
Monday, 1st February 2010 @ 03:28:28 PM AEST
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what ever happened to "If you have nothing good to say, don't say it at all"?
i liked this, it's vivid... and to those who criticize, they're probably just jealous 8~]
take care
-K.Z. |
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