|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
MOM
Contributed by
countrygurl133
on
Friday, 5th February 2010 @ 08:47:58 AM in AEST
Topic:
FamilyPoems
|
YOU WERE NEVER THERE
WHEN WE NEEDE YOU
YOU NEVER CARED
WHEN YOU NEEDED TOO
NO MATTER ALL THE TIMES THAT GO BY
CARING WASN'T AN OPTION
BECAUSE YOU NEVER TRIED
AFTER ALL THE
BREAKING-UP
APPARENTLY THERE WAS NO
MAKING-UP
YOU SAY EVERYTHING
WILL BE OKAY
BUT NO MATTER WHAT
WE ALWAYS HAD TO OBEY
WHEN YOU SAID YOU
HAD NO LIFE
ALL I COULD THINK
ABOUT IS "WHY"
YOU CAN'T IMAGINE ALL
THE PAIN WERE GOING THROUGH
BECAUSE YOU NEVER
EVEN REALLY KNEW
MAYBE THE PAST
WILL NEVER BE GONE
BUT WE HAVE TO LET
IT GO AND MOVE ON
Copyright ©
countrygurl133
... [
2010-02-05 08:47:58]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: MOM
(User Rating: 1 )
by zedwards on
Friday, 5th February 2010 @ 11:58:47 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| You have a lot of raw emotion in this poem and it flows well. It can be developed a lot more if you use symbols and prose to get your point across without actually saying it. For example: There is an empty bleacher where you should be, another date in your life instead of dinner with me. More details and objects will help add to the emotions in the poem and give the reader visuals and images in their brains. It's a great start, but more details will make it a much greater poem |
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Site Help
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
