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Setting you free
Contributed by
Anu
on
Friday, 26th February 2010 @ 12:35:31 AM in AEST
Topic:
LoveRemembered
|
For all the things I miss tonight, peace is what I cant find,
Can you give it back to me, pleads my queasy mind
I dont blame you, for I dont want reasons to fight,
And I know youd justify, that even today you are right.
If you had emotions may be youd understand,
Love isnt an equation, for numbers dont comprehend.
There is nothing left for me to say as logic isnt your game,
You may go and chase that green paper, the way to your fame..!
Money aint everything, I got to say and I never wanted you to go away,
Now I aint stopping you, as Im setting you free and my wishes with you will always stay..!
Copyright ©
Anu
... [
2010-02-26 00:35:31]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Setting you free
(User Rating: 1 )
by Mars on
Sunday, 14th March 2010 @ 10:07:04 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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Interesting.
I noticed you often paused in the middle of a line. You may want to consider a different pattern of organization by breaking your lines in the middle. For example:
I don't blame you.
I don't want reasons to fight.
It might make the poem more readable. Again, just a suggestion. It's just fine the way it is. It can, and often is a good idea to not break your lines in they way I suggested. |
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