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The Rain
Contributed by
vr2776
on
Saturday, 13th March 2010 @ 08:13:39 PM in AEST
Topic:
abstract
|
I walked through the rain today
Hoping it would wash the pain away
I walked through the winds that rushed
Hoping all my thoughts would hush
Hush all the questions in my mind
things I just try and try to resign
the Whys, When's, Where and Hows
Wanting them all to be drowned out
the maybes, ifs, could of, should of
the things that I hate of things that was
Watching the dancing waves from the rock
as inside me there is a storm that wont stop
talking to God as if he was the cause
but knowing its my fault with all my flaws
watching the raging waves and hear the roaring winds
as I try to stand in the rain, battling but cannot win
I'm forced to give up the fight, the wind is too strong
I walk away defeated, and feeling so wronged
I searched and hoped for answers and left with none
wet clothes and soul there's nothing that can be done
Copyright ©
vr2776
... [
2010-03-13 20:13:39]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Rain
(User Rating: 1 )
by Mars on
Saturday, 13th March 2010 @ 09:38:49 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Hopelessness, emptiness... need I say more? I do have one suggestion... I couldn't help but notice how you often paused in the middle of a line towards the end. Why not try breaking each line in the middle so that every other line rhymes? Again, just a suggestion. |
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Re: The Rain
(User Rating: 1 )
by iverhyck on
Sunday, 14th March 2010 @ 01:37:19 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Good ideas that are well rhymed. I only wonder why 'abstract.
Konstantin. |
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Re: The Rain
(User Rating: 1 )
by iverhyck on
Sunday, 14th March 2010 @ 01:40:03 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Sorry, I don't know how to rate your poem. I think it's more than 1 that is shown.
Konstantin. |
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Re: The Rain
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fuzzy on
Sunday, 14th March 2010 @ 03:14:25 AM AEST
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a Message)
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You have written this, from your Heart,
that is what really matters,myself
i think this is well written.
Take care
Fuzzy |
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