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Surely We Could
Contributed by
Chamaron
on
Thursday, 8th April 2010 @ 07:18:33 PM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
A stiff blur
A sneak across
Surely we could
Foreigner in camp
Just sleeping
Battle lines are for daytime
A run into,
An accident on purpose
I know what you want
I want the brink
A line so thin
Only Will can see it
And even Will is fooled
A tripping trap
A tease to seize
Is the magic
Only in the spell?
Blind to black and white is Foresee
Unhearing to reprimand
Anosmic to sweaty guilt
So free of fault
Is present
A mother told
The views I hold
But mother was not mine
A morality to weather season
To set aright interhuman crime
Bends now, branches in your wind
Surely we could
But if morality held constant
For all except you - You can hold me
But, dear sir, are you constant?
Copyright ©
Chamaron
... [
2010-04-08 19:18:33]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Surely We Could
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 8th April 2010 @ 07:43:26 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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This is an amazing write full of character and wisdom. Each line consisting of thought and stunning imagery.
A morality to weather season
To set aright interhuman crime
Bends now, branches in your wind
Surely we could
Those lines ooze power my friend. Terrific write
take care
duff |
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Re: Surely We Could
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 8th April 2010 @ 08:14:53 PM AEST
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oh my. This feels like a forbidden fruit. Sooooo tempting, but do we dare taste it? This is such a delicious write, filled with sizzling innuendos and intimations. And what brilliant wordsmithing you've employed to reinforce that. phew! Great post!!
Seléne ~
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Re: Surely We Could
(User Rating: 1 )
by Loende on
Friday, 9th April 2010 @ 05:27:27 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Ok, first off, this was fantastic! It just
sucked me in right from the beginning
and even now, I'm smiling.
My favorite stanzas:
"I want the brink
A line so thin
Only Will can see it
And even Will is fooled
A tripping trap
A tease to seize
Is the magic
Only in the spell?"
And I'm not sure if it's just the brilliance
of the imagery and choice of words, or
because I can relate to them so much.
Either way, this was just a delight to read.
Be well,
~Loende
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Re: Surely We Could
(User Rating: 1 )
by aliopterix on
Saturday, 10th April 2010 @ 05:01:29 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| This was not just an exquisite read I also love the way you change the verse patterns to speed up and slow down the delivery of the piece. Well done and thank you. Aliopterix. |
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