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trapped between two genders
Contributed by
jennio
on
Wednesday, 12th May 2010 @ 06:11:30 PM in AEST
Topic:
secrets
|
what to do? I told my wife, but she wasnt real excited, better to be honest late than to be a liar all my life. Sometimes i just need someone to write to, to express my feelings. I tried sharing my feelings with someone in my family several days ago, she flared up like the sun. I probably wont share my feelings with her again, unless someday in the future it becomes her idea.
Theyre just a pair of panties
Until I put them on
enchanted by the singing
lured by the silken song
Then I feel one with women
imprisoned in their lace
satured in their pleasure
so lost within their grace
my spirit blends so feminine
undefiled by what i was
i begin to want to do the things
that every woman does
denying every conscience
and when all control is gone
I give in to desire
and to women i belong
their silken love consumes my thinking
my senses soaring in the pleasure
of the satin satisfaction
panties give unto their wearer
soulish longings cry for more
of my dear mistresses intentions
i must experience more of these
soft things that go unmentioned
and here is a page that i wrote under the name of jennifer to describe my feelings. Writing it down is a good outlet for it.A nice way to express yourself when those close to you wont understand..
Wives, do your husbands want to wear womens clothes?
My earliest memories of my mother are of her holding me against the softness of a silken full body slip.I remember feeling the softness against my cheek, the warmth of her breast on my face.After that things happened between her and my father, and gradually that warmth turned to a cold desperation to hold onto the security she had left.I pulled away from her, because i didnt feel that warmth in her hug anymore, i was scared because her warmth was missing. i wanted that part of my mom. when she was away i would wear her slip and later her underwear.I wanted to be a girl ever since that.I dont know what series of events changed my mom so drastically,but i knew that if it was once possible for my mom to show such intimate love, that i wanted to be like that.I realize now that a mom can only be intimate with you to a point,sure she can still give motherly advice,guidance, and kindness, but it just somehow isnt appropriate for a man to feel her intimacy in a hug.She gives that to the woman he marries.I have been honest with my wife about three things.1 i like wearing womens clothes. 2 i dont want to be like all the men i have met in my life 3 i have wanted to be a girl/woman since i was a child.i dont like what i see in men.Arrogance, control,defensiveness,selfish. woman are loving, nurturing,compassionate,tender,able to reach into your very soul with the intimacy of a hug or a kiss, they are kind and considerate,they are soft.that is what i want to be like.Whether you call it a wish, a fantasy, or just a hope that hasnt come to pass yet, i want to be a woman , to treat my wife as the special person she is. My personal belief is that women are Gods gift to men and children are womens gift to the world. I took the chance and shared my secret with my wife,hoping she wouldnt despise me or be disgusted by me.She said she already knew that about me.The other night we went shopping and she bought several extra large womens camisoles.Sometimes i wear one to sleep in. I wear panties too.Does it mean i love my wife any less?NO!!DOes it mean she doesnt look pretty whenshe is dressed up?No!!Its not as weird as you might think.The waistbands on mens underwear is binding and uncomfortable and a pair of panties is a good nights sleep.My wife is very pretty in heels ,nylons and a dress. I just feel so comfortable,so secure,so safe in womens clothes.i shared mysecret with my wife. She is my best friend.Wives if your husbands have a secret like mine dont deride them or reject them.It could make them slide into worse things.Why not say , honey let me help you with that.He may hear that intimacy in your voice that he heard so many years ago.Drawn to the intimacy you offer, he may fall in love with you all over again,because you are his best friend.There are even crossdressing conferences to go to.But what if it is embarrassing?To who?People come and go in life. The people i used to know are gone and i only hear form them when they want something.My wife is always faithfully there.I love her. I trust her.WHether i ever am able to become a woman through hormones or transgender surgery, i will love and appreciate my wife all the more.Wives your husbands want to tell you there secrets.They are afraid to trust everyone else. Dont make them afraid to trust you.
Sincerely Jennifer
here is a poem i finished today it may shed some light on your question
through my self reflection
and with all soul searching done
why does my perspective lean
towards such a female one?
all my life has always been
subjected to suggestions
of all the things that men should be
and yet they never mentioned
that all the things they offer
and convinced me that i needed
were to help subdue the fairer sex
and bring them to concession
as recipients of selfish needs
victims of mens fashion
bent to serve the pleasure
of mens dominating passions
i dont want to be an end result
of advertising ploys
or live the happless rugged life
that self made men enjoy
is this a learned behavior?
is this something ive been taught
that my responses, my reactions
and my every conscious thought
is so opposite the tendency
of men to live their lies
in arrogance taking what they want
bringing tears to pretty eyes
I can no longer be like others
who with less than pure intentions
violate womens privacies
with unthinking rude ambitions
and why do i have this longing
for panties,bras, and heels
why do i love wearing nylons
although i love the way they feel
There must once have been someone
who took me in their arms
and tenderly embraced me
and kept me safe from harm
whose words made such impresssion
as to echo through my mind
like the warm appreciation shown
to someone who was kind
and though her whispered words escape me
and i cant touch, or feel, or see
the face of such sweet mercies
that was speaking over me
still they reached so deep within me
as to alter my conception
and influence the condition
of normal masculine progression
redesigning my development
her voice entrancing me
merely male upon the outside
now im female inwardly
so feminine in nature
i have so much to learn
held captive between genders
not knowing where to turn
once asleep so soundly
she sharply snaps awake
the woman deep inside of me
now rises up to take
control of all my conciousness
she breathes my every breath
like an essence of remembrance
for the male just put to death
and like a princess in a tower
held for an eternity of tears
walking out the doors to freedom
no longer captive to my fears
Yet only one thing hinders
this rapturous delusion
and bringing my conflicted life
to a feminine conclusion
Goddess look on me with favor
if it pleases mistress
i am begging
remove this everyday reminder
this blightful shame between my leggings
so i can leave the multitudes
of pleasure loving men
and the search for my completion
can finally be at end
then lost in the transformation
with Goddesss permission
Ill endure the metamorphosis
with my mistress, her decision
from one gender to another
I fall under her spell
I can no longer follow mens pursuits
or live the life they sell
but i will live on every word you speak
my mind is now your garden
please plant the seeds of change in me
and recompense transgressions pardon
I will obey ,I must submit
I will endure the surgeons knife
all i ask. is wont you please.
help me convince my wife
that this would be so good for her
i would be hers to command
if she would but help me transgender
she would have the upper hand
Copyright ©
jennio
... [
2010-05-12 18:11:30]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: trapped between two genders
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Wednesday, 12th May 2010 @ 11:55:15 PM AEST
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a Message)
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2 i don’t want to be like all the men i have met in my life 3 i have wanted to be a girl/woman since i was a child.i don’t like what i see in men.Arrogance, control,defensiveness,selfish
I'm a bit confused here.
I understand the reason of how some men are to women especially the ones I've known. What I don't understand is why you would wonna be a women my thoughts that I know many women that just want men for money and will do any thing to get it. That don't make me wonna be a man.
I know you love your wife and can see she dearly loves you but how do she or you know that if in fact you have surgery how can you know that you want be attracted to men sexually?
By no means am I judging you etc. I except all people as is. I'm just trying to understand, that's all.
Personally I think trans gender men make beautiful women. Not all but some.
You are a good writer and you did a good job laying your thoughts and feelings on paper.
I wish you all the best in what ever you do.
Blessings,
emy
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Re: trapped between two genders
(User Rating: 1 )
by jennio on
Monday, 17th May 2010 @ 07:53:35 PM AEST
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thank you for your comment and compliments
i've just always wanted to female. I think women are the most fascinating and remarkable thing in this entire world. Women are amazing and there is no end to what they can accomplish. They are more than just pretty bodies and erotic inspiration.They are deeply intimate in everything they do. I just admire that so much, that i want to be a woman. Besides that i just don't want to be a man anymore. I wouldn't mind being pretty and wearing pretty clothes
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Re: trapped between two genders
(User Rating: 1 )
by Angel-1 on
Tuesday, 13th July 2010 @ 05:23:21 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| like some others i have often felt trapped. I have always wanted to be male and i have always just felt wrong in a female body. I have never felt that feeling with anyone and no one knows that since the age of like 7 or so i have dreamed of having a sex change. |
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