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In need of a Savior.
Contributed by
kakurenbo
on
Saturday, 5th June 2010 @ 08:46:55 PM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
As he walks he sees
All that he has been without
He envies...
He wishes...
He prays...
He cries...
Each time, he dies a little more inside
He has been alone so long
So long indeed
He has thoughts of suicide
Thoughts that never cede
He waits...
He watches...
He hopes...
He wishes...
He wishes for a savior
Somebody to bring him off the path he is trapped on
To help him get free
From depressions reign
From the lonely abyss
That he is chained in to
But his wishes go unanswered
His prayers as well
His cries unheard of
And his pain thus dwells
Will anybody help him from this dark abyss?
Anybody, just anybody
Help him be free from this land of dark, lonely death and despair
Help him be free, and help him live through his dreary life...
Copyright ©
kakurenbo
... [
2010-06-05 20:46:55]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: In need of a Savior.
(User Rating: 1 )
by iodinelove on
Saturday, 5th June 2010 @ 09:11:03 PM AEST
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a Message)
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pretty good.
I'm not sure why you've decided to use cede in place of yield (being the most likely, certainly not the only other choice). Cede is usually used to suggest giving control or possession to another. It can be used as surrender, but more in surrendering possession.
With that said, how you're using cede could possibly mean that he's having intrusive thoughts, and that they won't relinquish control to him, but it just doesn't have the strength that other words would have.
In any case, keep writing. ^_^
always, abraham |
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Re: In need of a Savior.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Nevilleconnie on
Sunday, 6th June 2010 @ 08:01:28 AM AEST
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| You've captured the feelings of loneliness, sadness, and longing very well in this poem. Though this was a sad poem, it was still beautifully written. |
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Re: In need of a Savior.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Mars on
Sunday, 6th June 2010 @ 11:36:21 PM AEST
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If only someone would help him. =(
I wish the boy luck. |
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Re: In need of a Savior.
(User Rating: 1 )
by joe-joe on
Monday, 7th June 2010 @ 02:31:37 PM AEST
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| this is very insightful, because at one time or another everyone has a midnight, but the good thing is, if we wait the morning light will soon come...very nice write... |
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