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Triumph 750
Contributed by
wordmusefindme
on
Friday, 18th June 2010 @ 09:33:22 AM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
speeding down the country lane
the wind is in my hair
with each turn we lean as one
and cut a slice of air
There is no moon
the stars are bright
the shadows are gone
into the black of night
the single headlamp lights my path
through woods and cliff and hill
I see the bonfire miles ahead
down by the old sawmill
cut the switch to silence the engine sound
coast into the gathered group
the sound of drums around the fire
a contingent of the dance troupe
a woman comes up and strokes my hair
says, "I've missed you! How have you been?"
a large smile forms on my face
it's good to see her again
I slide a stool closer to the fire
and take my wood spoons out
i find the beat and add my part
to the rhythm that's rounding about
dancers of every sex, prance
around in various states of undress
i've got the beat my mind drifts off
how did life become such a mess
i stand up now and tap bare feet
while i circle in dance around
it was taught to me by ancient ones
respect of the earth and ground
a ball of fire escapes from me
dissipates in the air
the positive vibe comes rushing in
glad that I came here
sometimes a hug can bring us back
but we don't all have one who cares
we have drum circle & dance
to clear our ears
the sun's rays break through
at horizon now as daylight arrives again
i ready my bike for a new journey
300 miles times ten
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wordmusefindme
... [
2010-06-18 09:33:22]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Triumph 750
(User Rating: 1 )
by Live2Die on
Friday, 18th June 2010 @ 12:48:27 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| I really like the story you're telling and the message that comes across, my only piece of advice would be to adjust the syllable count in some of the later stanzas in order to give it a better flow and thus a more forceful and powerful impact upon the reader. |
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Re: Triumph 750
(User Rating: 1 )
by reubenrich on
Saturday, 24th July 2010 @ 06:26:02 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| read like a book, good work! |
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Re: Triumph 750
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Sunday, 26th December 2010 @ 05:03:53 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Fantastic, captivating, mesmerizing, fantabulus, write.
You took me on a wonderful journey the sounds very familiar. There just ain't words to describe the wonder in this poem of deep, inner beauty as well as the journey it self.
Happy smiles,
emy |
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Re: Triumph 750
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Wednesday, 9th February 2011 @ 10:57:28 PM AEST
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300times ten would put me in Florida.
Huh what's the name of the old mill?
Still great writing.
huggs,
emy |
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Re: Triumph 750
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Wednesday, 9th February 2011 @ 10:59:42 PM AEST
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a Message)
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oops, I meant L.A.
Think I'm obseesed with Florida, my tarzan must be thinking bout me.
Thanks for the memory's, emy again |
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