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Every Corner
Contributed by
debris
on
Wednesday, 1st September 2010 @ 09:41:38 AM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
Life fills my lungs
Beyond their capacity,
Until it hurts
To see my own reality.
I spend each day
In everyday obscurity.
Then home, where I walk around each room.
And I stand in every corner.
Thoughts I know
Suddenly occur to me
As if new,
To break the days monotony.
I walk each street
Just to see where it leads me.
Then home, where I stand in every corner.
And I walk around each room.
Copyright ©
debris
... [
2010-09-01 09:41:38]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Every Corner
(User Rating: 1 )
by ming on
Wednesday, 1st September 2010 @ 11:29:05 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I love this line and how it was used twice.
Then home, where I walk around each room.
And I stand in every corner.
ming |
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Re: Every Corner
(User Rating: 1 )
by Spacey on
Thursday, 2nd September 2010 @ 03:50:08 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| I like what you are trying to do here, but I'm not sure that that excitement or wonder of seeing something new comes through in the poem |
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Re: Every Corner
(User Rating: 1 )
by Debris on
Thursday, 2nd September 2010 @ 12:49:24 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| That's not what I was aiming for to be honest, but thanks for the feedback. Good to read other points of view. |
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Re: Every Corner
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 3rd September 2010 @ 05:40:08 AM AEST
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a Message)
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This is a theme that I think you should develop on. Your poetry is a bit rough around the edges, but you've got something worth building on.
-Phil |
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