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FOREVER YOUR FRIEND
Contributed by
chrisdavid
on
Thursday, 23rd September 2010 @ 01:13:32 PM in AEST
Topic:
FriendshipPoetry
|
You've been waiting for a long time
To hear him say those words
It seems he doesn't care for you
And much more you surely deserve
I know I'm looking from the outside
But a friend you are to me
I want to see you smile
I just want to see you happy
And what if you were told
You'd reached the end of the road?
And your love meant nothing anymore
Would you want to run away?
Would you cry for a day?
All the hurt you feel you cannot ignore
Love is complicated
When you think you've found the one
When all the hopes and dreams you had
Suddenly become undone
If he could come out and tell you
What I think you already know
That you and him are over
And he'd stop hurting you so
Try to put to one side
All the sorrow that you feel
It may take you a while
But I know your heart will heal
So for you it didn't work out
But you'll get another chance
There is someone waiting out there
Who will share your loving romance
Next time you have a problem
And you need someone to depend
I am always here for you
I'm forever your friend
And now that you've been told
You've reached the end of the road
And your love means nothing anymore
I don't think you'll run away
You won't cry for a day
And all the hurt you feel you can ignore
Copyright ©
chrisdavid
... [
2010-09-23 13:13:32]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: FOREVER YOUR FRIEND
(User Rating: 1 )
by TsunamiWaverider on
Thursday, 23rd September 2010 @ 05:29:24 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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I was disappointed that i could not get a nice rhythm in my head going with this one. Every time it started to flow.....the lack of a word, or one word to many would spoil it again.
Example:
"Try to put to one side
All the sorrow that you feel
It may take you a while
But I know your heart will heal"
Now omit the "you" in the 3rd line:
"Try to put to one side
All the sorrow that you feel
It may take a while
But I know your heart will heal"
Tighten it up, tweak it, omit words, use hyphenation to shorten two words, use a thesaurus to find another word than the one you are trying to use.....and you just might have yourself a really nice free-flowing poem here.
Cheers. |
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Re: FOREVER YOUR FRIEND
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Thursday, 23rd September 2010 @ 07:40:41 PM AEST
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a Message)
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She is lucky to have you for a friend. This is a heart felt write.
Michelle |
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Re: FOREVER YOUR FRIEND
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Thursday, 23rd September 2010 @ 09:21:23 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Great job. As shelby said she's lucky to have you as a friend.
You helped here to see past the pain.
Blessings,
emy |
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