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I just can't do it anymore
Contributed by
Broken2010
on
Saturday, 2nd October 2010 @ 11:43:16 PM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
I just cant do it anymore
I have been through it all
The girlfriend, the wife, the step-mom, the ex-wife, the girlfriend, the fianc, the ex-fiance, the ex-girlfriend
When does it end?
Cooking, cleaning, watching ball games, throwing parties, loving, caring, independent, smart, and putting up with so much crap from the other end.
I want it to all go away. The hurt, the heartache, the depression, the misery.
Oh and on top of that, my father is closer and closer everyday to dying.
Things he can controljust like all the other men in my lifedoing things to themselves and the ones they supposedly lovethings that hurt, things they can control.
I was never officially the girlfriend, or the fianc or anything else. Because all the while that I was giving 150% of meI was only receiving 70% from the other end.
With all of them. Some were even less than 70%...but thats the most I got was the 70%...never 100.
And the 70% guy (not man) was still giving his other 30% to other women, to old relationships, to friends that knew nothing about me or the love that I thought existed in my life for my entire relationship.
So I called us official but really, there was nothing legit about the monogamy that I thought was there. Cheating, receiving and sending photos with minimal to no clothing, telling others you love themwant to be with themsorry you dont have the chance to make them happyto make them yours. When the entire timeI was supposed to be yours. The phone calls, emails, text messages, nothing ever stopped when you made us official. Sowhat does official really mean?
So now I have to sit back and wait for a few more months. A few more months of having you close, but not in my life. Of knowing you are making new friends and sharing yourself physically, emotionally and mentally with these other friends. You will deceive them too, the same way you deceived me. Telling them you love them when you dont, telling them you want to be with them when you dont.
I am broken, and nothing is fixing it. Not alcohol, not church, not prayer, not family, not friendsshoot, I cant even be around my friends from here. Seeing them and being around themI feel humiliated. I feel like everyone feels sorry for little ol me who was duped into thinking that this was itthat this was forever, that this really meant something. Everything was a waste. Waste of time, money, feelings, everything I gave was a waste. Now I am left with nothing. Just trying to move forward, one day at a timejust trying to make the best of a bad situation.
I feel insignificant, like I dont really matter, like I can just be tossed to the side and forgotten about. Like all I give is being used up, chewed up and spit back outonly for him to move on to the next one. To make someone else feel on top of the worldso he can crush them too, while he is still crushing me.
Oh shes so strong, shell make it through, she is a great woman and he is making a mistake. So why does everyone else see this strength in me that I dont see, why do they see this greatness that I dont feel existsand it must not, because he doesnt see it.
Lumps in my throat everydaytears more often than notI cant stop crying, I cant stop the pain, I cant stop the tears. I am broken, and nothing is fixing me. Nothing.
Copyright ©
Broken2010
... [
2010-10-02 23:43:16]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: I just can't do it anymore
(User Rating: 1 )
by chrisdavid on
Sunday, 3rd October 2010 @ 01:36:45 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Wow!! This is so sad. |
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Re: I just can't do it anymore
(User Rating: 1 )
by Anbarean on
Sunday, 3rd October 2010 @ 11:00:16 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| this is a touchy one I read yet. |
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Re: I just can't do it anymore
(User Rating: 1 )
by Rykor on
Sunday, 3rd October 2010 @ 01:18:27 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| So emotional! |
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