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A View of Rejection
Contributed by
northernlights
on
Saturday, 11th December 2010 @ 01:46:23 AM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
Flesh oh my flesh!
Sorrow stirs the waters of enlightenment
Till shadows and darkness part and
Hidden waters lay still
Searching through veils of salt, focus
Sharpens and there abandoned to a
Frozen cavern, a slab of discarded
Offal
Butchered
Numbness and curiosity strong enough to hold
That moment
For but
A second,
Then the rise and fall, the
Movement
Beating slowly Beating.
Shrouded
In icy vapour.
Beating!
Why still beating?
Eyes fixed
Staring
Upward to the beauty that surrounds
This scene of grotesqueness, of
Struggle
Stalactites formed from years of deposition
Poised.
Clarity!
Eyes wide open
Then from the corner the moment
Unfolds.
Realisation screams into view!
Paralysed.
Before
Icy spear plunges and pierces
A bloody tear trickles
Eyes shut!
Copyright ©
northernlights
... [
2010-12-11 01:46:23]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: A View of Rejection
(User Rating: 1 )
by MiaPeterson on
Saturday, 11th December 2010 @ 04:45:39 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Stunning poem. I also have to say that you have a very unique view of rejection, and you were able to share your opinion through such wonderful words. Congratulations! |
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Re: A View of Rejection
(User Rating: 1 )
by ming on
Saturday, 11th December 2010 @ 09:31:11 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Very nicely done...I want to steal this line. (ha!)
'through veils of salt'
ming |
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Re: A View of Rejection
(User Rating: 1 )
by DrcGaimer on
Saturday, 11th December 2010 @ 09:37:41 AM AEST
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| As always my friend, powerful and stirring words. You really have a talent for penning thoughts and emotions to paper. |
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Re: A View of Rejection
(User Rating: 1 )
by UAnwar on
Saturday, 11th December 2010 @ 09:11:53 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
Beautiful.
"Upward to the beauty that surrounds
This scene of grotesqueness, of"
I admire how these two lines break the pace and the "beating" that flows through the centre of your rythm.
Furthermore the position of the word 'of' after the comma is well placed for a return down from the (perfect) above. A return to the rythm. (Very well thought out).
This poem is very emotionally driven and the way you portrayl the emotional plight of escape from the material is truely majestic.
Lovely work. |
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Re: A View of Rejection
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 11th December 2010 @ 09:48:41 PM AEST
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| This is the kind of poem I can just become awe struck from.WOW! AMAZING! |
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Re: A View of Rejection
(User Rating: 1 )
by mehuel on
Sunday, 12th December 2010 @ 09:46:55 AM AEST
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| beautifully written, every emotion is so profoundly penned down.. very touching, loved every bit of it... Great work... |
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Re: A View of Rejection
(User Rating: 1 )
by duff on
Sunday, 12th December 2010 @ 08:36:09 PM AEST
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A creative take on rejection with a unique style to reveal it. You have captured a puzzling emotion in a way that is intelligent and the well written lines drive it home. Your consistency is something to be admired and it's always a pleasure.
duff |
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