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THE WIND
Contributed by
Tomboy
on
Sunday, 6th March 2011 @ 04:52:25 PM in AEST
Topic:
NaturePoetry
|
As I lay upon the green grassy blades of grass
I can feel this invisible force
gently brushing across my face.
The trees slowly sway back and forth
As to bow after a performance for their audience.
The bare twigs move as finger of a hand
With the movement of each joint, marrow of the bones
Puffy white clouds floating, whisking by
Moved by a force as of a motion picture
being fast-forwarded.
The clear blue ocean, moving waves, rising, clashing
As of a rushing line of horses
Racing to their finishing line.
Sailboats sway back and forth
The great sails fluttering, moving
Umbrellas are being blown inside out
Blustering, gusting
American flags being pushed, causing them to wave
with ecstatic excitement of patriotism.
Field of wheat bending, moving
As to perform physical exercises.
Huge, gigantic tidal waves move,
plunging higher, higher as to swallow up
a whole country.
Houses, animals, building structures
become struck down by a black, ominous funnel
Twirling round and round, destroying all in its path.
What is this rushing-like force that brings
life and death?
We can feel its effects, but cannot see it
We all take it for granted
It has always been here with us since time began.
Wind.
Copyright ©
Tomboy
... [
2011-03-06 16:52:25]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: THE WIND
(User Rating: 1 )
by eggflipper on
Sunday, 6th March 2011 @ 05:00:21 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| A good write. From the minute to the immense, moments wash over us, inspire us and sometimes overcome us. A great attempt to explain the totality of an object. |
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Re: THE WIND
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Monday, 7th March 2011 @ 12:06:19 AM AEST
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Beautiful writing.
blessings, smiles, wind,
emy |
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Re: THE WIND
(User Rating: 1 )
by hacktastic on
Monday, 7th March 2011 @ 01:50:51 AM AEST
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I like this mostly because it is not about pain or love like most works on this site. I am guilty of that myself. So good job there. Second, you did well with the construction of the writing. You included a nice variety of cause and effect examples.
I was blown away. Bah ha ha! Get it?!
Dumb joke. Anyhow, And remove "Wind." from the end. It is already in the title, and takes away strength from the rest of the piece. You have all this beautiful imagery, then it reads "Wind, all of that was about wind."
I like the 2nd to last line
"It has always been here with us since time began."
but, find it redundant. It's like saying "It has always been here with us, always."
Instead, take out "always"
"It has been here with us since time began."
Aside from those very helpful critiques (snarkcasam), I like it! |
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Re: THE WIND
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Friday, 11th March 2011 @ 02:31:04 PM AEST
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Vivid beautiful poem here my friend.
I enjoyed this.
Michelle |
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