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Hidden Behind the Hat's Brim
Contributed by
zeberdee
on
Tuesday, 8th March 2011 @ 08:31:13 PM in AEST
Topic:
FamilyPoems
|
The whole time; not a word is spoken
for a cold dull silence dominates the room
and in this, a smile is a rare token
as they share begrudged stares of intolerability over a tomb.
A handshake can be spared, just a small polite greeting
but that is all you will get from this man
for his kindness is always fleeting
as new things come and must go according to his plan
A hopeless narrow minded view on existence
He spat on the woman that his sons call mother
And he has long abandoned the son and his brother
now they will both have to learn life without fatherly assistance
For he chose a path where no candles are lit
like his father before him, and now his sons after him
with his head bend and his eyes hidden behind the hat's brim
His family is met by spite and spit
Time passes till they meet in a graveyard
The young sons stand bitter and all grown
All share the hateful stare that is the product of a soul so very charred
For the rest of their life they will walk alone.
Copyright ©
zeberdee
... [
2011-03-08 20:31:13]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Hidden Behind the Hat's Brim
(User Rating: 1 )
by Banjosandwitch on
Wednesday, 9th March 2011 @ 04:30:00 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| fantastic poetry should win awards |
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Re: Hidden Behind the Hat's Brim
(User Rating: 1 )
by Mando on
Wednesday, 9th March 2011 @ 12:05:43 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| This poem opened my eyes to alot of challenges in life this poem is what poetry is all about outstanding |
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Re: Hidden Behind the Hat's Brim
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 27th March 2011 @ 12:57:50 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I am thinking now that you want critiquing and I think that is possible from constructive aspects, positive, and negative aspects.
I still think poetry is subjective.
Unless I missed something, your spelling in this one is flawless. Not positive but I believe I have read others of yours where that has not been consistently the case. Correct me if I am wrong.
Myself? I really liked this poem. As I said flawless spelling and I love the story it told. It really made me feel their regret and hurt...very sad.
Is it okay to say great job? Great job!!!
Thanks,
Tim
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Re: Hidden Behind the Hat's Brim
(User Rating: 1 )
by InfinitePoet on
Sunday, 20th May 2012 @ 03:05:01 PM AEST
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The Style in which you covey such deeply rooted,painful realities,of your Life into words,blows me Away!!! So Profound,Pain~filled,yet I felt I was reading Words of truth Too!!.....
Keep Witing * Posting!!!
Always,
InfinitePoet( (Your Royal Goddess
in Poetry)
Ms.OpPuLanCe |
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