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Demise
Contributed by
erniej
on
Thursday, 28th April 2011 @ 02:05:36 PM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
Brothers and sisters I had none
The start of fathers passing had begun
As I, only one, and left with the chore
To watch over and care
till his heart beat no more
I pondered the former
and what transpired before
Things lacking significance,
time spent brooding about
Things as a son I felt he left out
Consuming my soul, of things carried inside
All the longer it felt, before his demise
Feeling the martyr, of things not said or done
Longing a father, be he not the one
Deserving more thought I as his son
Inspired by wrath, goad by disdain
Spurred on by bitterness
my heart stayed the same
When his time came, his ending begun
The last words spoken, I love you my son
Copyright ©
erniej
... [
2011-04-28 14:05:36]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Demise
(User Rating: 1 )
by Zeberdee on
Thursday, 28th April 2011 @ 03:25:00 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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A very personal poem. Overall I enjoyed it, the story centering around son-father relationship is a favourite theme of mine, and one most sons can relate to. I also enjoy the personal narrative. Though there are a few stray lines and words that seem redundant. Using incorrect grammatical tense of some words has a confusing and perhaps off-throwing effect(line 19 for instance), but alas poetry has no rules.
The poem requires more than one reading. Which is a compliment.
3.5 out of 5. |
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