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A Cheater Makes Me Feel Bitter
Contributed by
mvvenkataraman
on
Sunday, 21st August 2011 @ 08:12:45 AM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
When you are greatly cheated
Your mind is terribly heated
Your trust gets badly depleted
Your self-confidence is deleted
If you are by someone exploited
This attacks severely your head
Sad emotions strongly flood
Surely boils angrily your blood
When someone cheats you once
Please build the strongest fence
He may view you as a dull dunce
Handle the situation via prudence
He must get a firm intimation
Exhibit your saddest emotion
You must criticize his action
Do this act for self-protection
Prevention of further escalation
Through scanning of relation
May bring you colossal elation
Give bad intention annihilation.
mvvenkataraman
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Copyright ©
mvvenkataraman
... [
2011-08-21 08:12:45]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: A Cheater Makes Me Feel Bitter
(User Rating: 1 )
by poeticjestix on
Sunday, 21st August 2011 @ 11:12:13 AM AEST
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I get the sentiment and luckily I haven't (knowingly) been cheated - meaning that I don't know the feeling.
Don't take this the wrong way but I think you should doctor this a little in that the structure seems to have been rigidly set out then "exploitation" appears without rhyme, for no apparent reason. Then the structure changes slightly again. I'm no expert, and poetry can be whatever you want it to be, but as you have set out one way it seems to grate a little (for me) when it changes. Just an observation.
Allan |
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