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The Winds Of Fate
Contributed by
Shadowman
on
Wednesday, 19th October 2011 @ 06:54:05 PM in AEST
Topic:
Grief
|
The silence...how it fills the room,
as my heart feels the surrounding doom.
How the silence plays tricks on the mind,
and how it can slow down time.
At this moment I have to confess,
my life wasnt always this big of a mess.
But somehow fate brought me here,
and now Im stuck without you my dear..
My dear.. how I miss you so,
I wanna hold you tight and never let you go.
My Dear..How the day drags on,
as I cannot even muster the strength to sing a song.
You were my security thru the snaps of cold,
my only companion as I grew old.
But somehow I managed to lose you,
and now ultimately i have nothing left to do.
Like a spider, you sucked the life out of this lowly heart of mine,
and left it bleeding and broken on borrowed time.
"How could i get u back" my mind would often wonder,
this thought alone ripped my soul asunder.
For the answer given and story told,
would be the fates answering in a resounding "NO"
Copyright ©
Shadowman
... [
2011-10-19 18:54:05]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Winds Of Fate
(User Rating: 1 )
by cathartic on
Wednesday, 19th October 2011 @ 07:13:47 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| The ending is probably the best part of the the poem. ultimately so, because the poem ended. haha haa i'm kidding. The ending was def the best part. the rest of it was blah blah blah blah |
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Re: The Winds Of Fate
(User Rating: 1 )
by cathartic on
Wednesday, 19th October 2011 @ 07:14:36 PM AEST
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| better luck next time (: |
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Re: The Winds Of Fate
(User Rating: 1 )
by Mikki on
Wednesday, 19th October 2011 @ 09:22:12 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Your poem was incredible. The word choice was amazing. :)
However, I DO think you could've used the word you rather than u, since it's a poem that expresses real emotion. Using a letter rather than a word can be misleading.
Otherwise, though, great job!!! |
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Re: The Winds Of Fate
(User Rating: 1 )
by xanvier on
Thursday, 20th October 2011 @ 09:50:46 AM AEST
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a Message)
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i like the way you constructed the poem with rhymes, but it would've been better if you shortened the lines to make it really rhyme or to make it sound really catchy to the reader, (syllable rhymes) and find some really good words to fit the criteria of the lines... nice and beautiful poetry...
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