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To a Haunted Love I Go
Contributed by
doug
on
Saturday, 3rd December 2011 @ 05:46:21 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
The woods ; they speak
a well of whispers
Night is deep and cold and full
This place of death
is where I kissed her
lips sanguine and sweet and cruel
Fool , fool I say to me
What caustic feral beast is this
who deigns to meet in such a place
much less allow a kiss
but the woods ; they speak
a well of whispers
some narcotic lullaby
the branches part
in soft retreat
as though to let me , gently , by
I leave this note on paper here
and fear you think me but a fool
perhaps I go to haunted love...
perhaps to feed a bloodied ghoul!
Copyright ©
doug
... [
2011-12-03 17:46:21]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: To a Haunted Love I Go
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Saturday, 3rd December 2011 @ 09:31:33 PM AEST
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Awesome. It's very powerful writing.
It make one think.
Blessings,
emy
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Re: To a Haunted Love I Go
(User Rating: 1 )
by FlintHunter on
Sunday, 4th December 2011 @ 06:57:08 AM AEST
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| This is a startling poem! And well-written. I picture the place to be a cemetery. A ghoulish gift, indeed. Good. Ghastly. Ghostly! --David |
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Re: To a Haunted Love I Go
(User Rating: 1 )
by Breezy on
Tuesday, 17th April 2012 @ 12:50:27 PM AEST
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Been a while since I read you. Same intense emotion running through your words,
which is grand. Even when dark (especially when!), there is a magic that sparks a dire
heart. in this piece particularly, there is a want; a need; an acute desire that feels desperate.
Almost a remembrance but a feeling yet unknown. One could die in your words and not
fear, as the phoenix who is risen from its own ash, so too is one's soul by the end of your
writing.
Nothing like a longing to be burned, damaged, AWAKENED by emotion. Well done, poet.
~ Breezy
(please start posting again) |
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Re: To a Haunted Love I Go
(User Rating: 1 )
by HaroldWilson on
Wednesday, 18th April 2012 @ 08:31:03 AM AEST
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A good poem, with an old-fashioned feel to it. You've really got an eye for the details.
I've made a few alterations to punctuation and grammar, and I've also deleted a couple of words that I think you don't need. So here is my 'revised' version, which you may be interested in:
The woods, they speak-
a well of whispers;
night is deep, cold and full.
This place of death
is where I kissed her,
lips sanguine, sweet and cruel.
“Fool, fool!” I say to me (myself?).
What caustic, feral beast is this
who deigns to meet in such a place,
much less allow a kiss?
But the woods, they speak-
a well of whispers;
some narcotic lullaby.
The branches part
in soft retreat,
as though gently to let me by.
I leave this note on paper here
and fear you think me but a fool,
perhaps I go to a haunted love...
perhaps to feed a bloody ghoul.
(The exclamation mark at the end is ultimately a subjective choice. I prefer a full stop because I think it makes the poem more serious/melancholic, but it depends what kind of mood you're going for.) |
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