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Heavensent
Contributed by
Sam24
on
Thursday, 29th December 2011 @ 08:32:27 AM in AEST
Topic:
war
|
Warriors heavensent,
their blades scrape my skin.
Difficult to comprehend,
the madness we are in.
Men have come from foreign lands,
killing for the Holy One.
The gentile blood is on their hands,
they're feeling closer to God's son.
Their religion is the way they use,
to make injustice seem correct.
The symbol of love they abuse,
the cross becomes a killing object.
There's evil to be killed or so it is said,
that blasphemy needs to be removed.
On hatred and fear your dogs are fed,
do you think this way is by God approved?
An old man looks upon the plains,
where the blood freely flows.
Will righteousness ever reign,
I guess only heaven knows.
Blood of the fallen is washed away ashore,
with a tear in his eye the old man wonders,
what is so holy about this war..?
Copyright ©
Sam24
... [
2011-12-29 08:32:27]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Heavensent
(User Rating: 1 )
by Daniel_L_Bamberg on
Thursday, 29th December 2011 @ 09:37:42 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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Outstanding passion displayed here and certainly you have a tremendous knack for poetry.
One slight criticism, as I find at times it is necessary to relay an opinion not for sake of argument or sake of critique but for sake of artistic appreciation. For such short lines in my opinion the poem shouldn't have been so rhymed. I feel your point gets lost in an all too overused and novice scheme. Your thoughts would have struck me ten fold had there been less a general rhythm and rhyming pattern, but this is my opinion only.
You have a powerful talent so don't let my personal taste even slightly cause you to second guess your skill. As I said my critique is for the sake of artistic appreciation only.
All in all your thoughts and the construct of your passion is well aimed. I did enjoy the piece though I wish you had been a little more patient with your muse on this one.
Well Done!
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