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To The Top Of The Mountain
Contributed by
AznDemon300
on
Sunday, 8th April 2012 @ 12:30:31 PM in AEST
Topic:
InspirationalPoems
|
As I look up, the mountain top is what I see.
To be at the top, is the person who I plan to be.
I take my first steps and decided to do a few more reps.
My feet start to sink in the depths, but its okay I'll take a few more steps.
The weather is calm.
The world seems at the reign of my palms.
As I move up the path starts to twist,
but it's okay, my friends and teachers are here to assist.
Each one of them come and grab me by my hand
and together, together we form a band as each and everyone of them help me understand.
I'm back on my feet and it's time to start to heading up again.
I ain't tired yet, no need to rest in a den.
I'm half way there.
I say to myself, I going to be at the top I swear.
It's the final run.
Now I'm finally done.
Thanks to all my people.
Now it's time for another sequel.
I stand at the top and say "Amen,"
and now, it's time to do it all over again.
Copyright ©
AznDemon300
... [
2012-04-08 12:30:31]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: To The Top Of The Mountain
(User Rating: 1 )
by Byrdie on
Sunday, 8th April 2012 @ 01:49:10 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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Greetings...............I would work on the meter
in this interesting poem...........climbing mountains come calling on us all..........this text has a ring of Vince Gill's "Go Climb that mountain
he wrote for his brother and sang it at his funeral. Thanks for the read....... |
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Re: To The Top Of The Mountain
(User Rating: 1 )
by doug on
Monday, 9th April 2012 @ 01:49:18 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I'm no great poet myself but I do have at least one pointer that I've learned over time. First , however , let's start with the positive. You've set out to make something inspirational and you've done quite well in doing that. It's a great message and everyone love's the positive. The only thing I see is in the two lines below. The thing I've learned is to cut any words that are not needed to convey your message. The following are your lines.
is the person who I plan to be
time to start to heading up again
If you were to instead say
is the person I plan to be
time to start heading up again
you can cut the word who and the word to and convey your message just as effectively without them. I hope I don't come off as to critical and hope this helps. I still enjoyed the poem. truly , Doug |
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