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Other Shoe
Contributed by
dvtpdw
on
Monday, 9th April 2012 @ 04:23:20 PM in AEST
Topic:
anguished
|
Every second I run this race
Worry I'll trip, fall on my face
Look over my shoulder side to side
Knowing there's no place to hide
Bang upon bang behind each wall
Waiting for the other shoe to fall
Alone with help nowhere in sight
Hard to tell my left from my right
Upon moment of birth until death
Lungs struggle to catch pure breath
Mind gripping fear shredding control
Cold fingers reach to freeze a soul
Burying past worlds not the answer
Correct wrongs to prevent future disaster
Build walls too tall for fear to scale
Run fast, outwit the screaming wail
Deep sigh, think beyond the pain
Inhale as the truths fall like rain
Fear took me down its crooked path
Time for fear to face my wrath
Copyright ©
dvtpdw
... [
2012-04-09 16:23:20]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Other Shoe
(User Rating: 1 )
by Ellewood on
Monday, 9th April 2012 @ 06:01:52 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| I could feel your raw emotions--good luck on this journey of self discovery. Thanks for sharing.... |
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Re: Other Shoe
(User Rating: 1 )
by Byrdie on
Tuesday, 10th April 2012 @ 11:30:27 AM AEST
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a Message)
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GOOD POEM BUT YOU COULD EASILY MAKE IT MORE READABLE BY MAKING SURE EACH LINE HAS 4 BEATS............EXAMPLE:
VERSE 1....LINE 4 SHOULD BE
"KNOW ing there's NO place for ME to HIDE.",
would give you 4 beats......you have 4 beats in lines 1,2&3..........if you fine tune it, I would like to read it....check out the other verses for the same corrections........thanks for the read. |
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Re: Other Shoe
(User Rating: 1 )
by deusdeira on
Wednesday, 11th April 2012 @ 05:06:29 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| I'm not gonna lie... I have no idea what this is about. Ok, I'm lying. Nice poem. Very fluid, and very unique. I loved the rhyme scheme as well. |
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