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Inomniatic drowning
Contributed by
Kalie
on
Friday, 22nd June 2012 @ 09:41:24 PM in AEST
Topic:
AmericanTragedy
|
I find myself lost, in the endless ocean they call insomnia.
My body is slowly being pulled down,
The merky water grows darker the lower I climb.
Tired, of trying to reach the serface that was once so close.
I exhale. I relax all muscles and exsept my fait.
allowing the darkness to swallow me
my Body cold and stiff but
my eyes remain wide open.
Copyright ©
Kalie
... [
2012-06-22 21:41:24]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Inomniatic drowning
(User Rating: 1 )
by shanat on
Friday, 22nd June 2012 @ 10:01:05 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Great poem!
A few errors, serface...surface
exsept.....except
fait...........fate.
appart from that i loved it! :))
remeber you can request the spell moderator and they can fix up any errors you miss.
Keep up the great work. shanat:) |
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Re: Inomniatic drowning
(User Rating: 1 )
by shanat on
Friday, 22nd June 2012 @ 10:02:20 PM AEST
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| and welcome to YPDC:) |
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Re: Inomniatic drowning
(User Rating: 1 )
by lee6787 on
Saturday, 23rd June 2012 @ 12:16:04 AM AEST
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| love this poem very very good and i know the feeling all to well keep up the great work look forward to seeing some more of your work |
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Re: Inomniatic drowning
(User Rating: 1 )
by richard2 on
Saturday, 23rd June 2012 @ 04:57:55 PM AEST
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The metaphor of depression as a ocean of blackness
that arrives with sleeplessness is really very good.
Check your spelling (unless intended) and maybe
rewrite a little next time and you will be become better. The last two
lines however are very very good, they show promise.
of some good poetry to come.
take care and keep writing
Richard |
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