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Mirrors
Contributed by
ijjj123
on
Sunday, 10th February 2013 @ 01:08:07 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
never i want to meet eye to eye
looking up i see what i despise
nothing more ,its only rotting misery
i blink and my eyes are still open
crimson rain a blackened eclpise
hitting my head until forget
all the thoughts of you makes me cringe
hate lust and rage i continually inherit
i want to bleed out any hate that i may have
i want to rearrange the face that i see as dead
anything i saw you for is nothing to me now
i see a dead man in the middle of the crowd
your a part of me and im a part of you
one crash of thunder will carry us away
my shoulder shake,keeping hold of the blackened sheep
it takes possesion of all my strain
rivers of tears , cant wash away the pain
make a new tower
it is only built to collapse
just a memory i can never forget
i build everything that falls
and it never keeps its grip
the mirrored images i hate to see
if i break the glass
still im never free
leaving you will make me something
leaving me will make you nothing
either way ill never be sure
when its gone and how long i will hurt
can i crush the glass? will it set me free?
my freedom rest with memories buried
Copyright ©
ijjj123
... [
2013-02-10 13:08:07]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Mirrors
(User Rating: 1 )
by Lee on
Sunday, 10th February 2013 @ 09:37:43 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Great poem!
I really liked the lines
"leaving you will make me something
leaving me will make you nothing"
and
"make a new tower
It is only built to collapse"
Enjoyable read |
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Re: Mirrors
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 12th February 2013 @ 12:28:56 AM AEST
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Writing is always great therapy!
I really like the metaphors and strong images but I think you could improve on the spelling. I don't understand why now days people want to kill the poor little apostrophe that adds so much to proper spelling, correct word usage, and grammar.
For example, ill and cant are completely different words from I'll and can't. And in this context, your should be you're. Otherwise, good stuff.
Take care and keep writing. That's the most important thing.
 to YPDC.
Tim |
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