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The Song of Me
Contributed by
Nachi1981
on
Sunday, 17th February 2013 @ 01:18:50 PM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
Im a hitchhiker on the highway of happiness
Im a wanderer in the tall green grass
Im a stray on someone elses land
Im an outsider looking through the glass
Ive wanted to ride the ride
Ive wanted to join the crew
Ive wanted to see it all
Ive wanted to experience the view
Im an Oliver Twist with my bowl
Im standing alone on the corner
Im starry eyed with my love
Im hoping it would get warmer
Ive wanted to listen to your heart
Ive wanted to squeeze your hands
Ive wanted to earn your smile
Ive wanted to dance the slow dance
Im a dreamer with a dream too real
Im a thinker with no rhyme or reason
Im a writer with no ink or paper
Im a rebel trying to outlive my treason
Ive wanted to swim across the mirage
Ive wanted to lie in the wake of your scent
Ive wanted to drink the love in your voice
Ive wanted to wake up completely spent
Im a prisoner of my sentiments
Im hoping to be set free
Im a broken teapot on your nightstand
Im longing for my cup of tea
Copyright ©
Nachi1981
... [
2013-02-17 13:18:50]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Song of Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by Waynster on
Sunday, 17th February 2013 @ 08:51:51 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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Hello, your poem is awesome! However, stanzas three and four threw me off with corner & warmer and hands & dance. A little corrective criticism, if you don't mind.
I'm an Oliver Twist with my bowl
I'm standing alone on the corner of a street
I'm starry eyed looking for my love
I'm hoping we soon shall meet
I've wanted to listen to your heart
I've wanted to know how your touch does feel
I've wanted to earn your smile
I've wanted your heart to steal
Like I said, Your poetry is good, but I would have done those two stanzas different, like i wrote here. If you choose to edit it, by all means, you can have those words I wrote. it would be my pleasure. I just hope you don't get upset because i found some things and brought it to your attention. Keep up the good writing!
Wayne
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