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SCREAM
Contributed by
colinb
on
Sunday, 24th February 2013 @ 12:42:24 PM in AEST
Topic:
anguished
|
A world that bleeds,
Hear those screams,
It's a world in need,
We need more good deeds,
From those who don't need.
While i dream,
Hear those screams,
From children in need,
Save us from those,
That are full of greed,
Greed steals from the need,
So lets steal from the greed
To feed the need,
I need to beleave,
For the children in need,
To stop those screams,
In my dreams.
SO PLEASE!!!
I want wonderful dreams.
Colin Bradley
Copyright ©
colinb
... [
2013-02-24 12:42:24]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: SCREAM
(User Rating: 1 )
by Tarheel_Treat on
Sunday, 24th February 2013 @ 06:03:45 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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| I like how at the end, you put this in relation as a bad nightmare. Maybe it's just me but I think that the use of the word "need" is a little excessive. But, if it matches your intentions of the poem, then by all means, keep it :-) And the rhyme scheme really isn't too bad. It doesn't hurt the poem but it doesn't really help it either. good job and thanks for the read. :) |
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Re: SCREAM
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Wednesday, 2nd July 2014 @ 08:41:13 PM AEST
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a Message)
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a bright and caring lve for children and those in need, a
very refreshing read in this greedy world, may you have
beautiful dreams always....
hugs n' love nessa |
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Re: SCREAM
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Wednesday, 2nd July 2014 @ 08:41:34 PM AEST
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a Message)
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a bright and caring love for children and those in need, a
very refreshing read in this greedy world, may you have
beautiful dreams always....
hugs n' love nessa |
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