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Fear
Contributed by
JacobJowers
on
Monday, 31st March 2014 @ 05:19:22 PM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
|
I hate you, don't go
I love you, I just can't let you know
You understand me, you see
You say you love me, but can it be?
I'm scared of the past
The future gets brighter
Why did it happen so fast
Please hold me tighter.
Don't let me fall
I'm afraid
That I'll be so small
Until I fade.
I get sick
I choke on my heart
Just like an oil slick
It can't restart.
My way is never ending
I'm always changing
My feelings forever bending
I can't seem to stop rearranging.
People don't make me feel better
People make me scared
People make me wear my fears like a sweater
People say I'm impaired..
Copyright ©
JacobJowers
... [
2014-03-31 17:19:22]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Fear
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Tuesday, 1st April 2014 @ 10:50:14 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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Hey Jacob, you sure do love to post your work on here, but I notice you don't enjoy commenting on other people's poetry so much. Hmm.
You started this poem off with one rhyming scheme (first stanza), then you randomly switched it up for the rest. Why? It feels like a mistake. The third stanza showed the most promise.
Keep at it and maybe read some poetry by others so you can learn and grow as a writer.
~Scorp |
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